I was having a conversation with my friend the other day and it was about relationships especially among Nigerians.
I asked her a question about why most married couples in Nigeria never go on holiday together or out on a romantic date and these days, hardly go out and party together.
What bothers me is that she was very convinced that it’s alright to live like that because it is our culture. We adopt many western cultural traits but when it comes to marriage we will say it’s not our culture. I have a problem with that. We are no more in the 60’s . I know in the time of our parents, they were taught differently. Please correct me if l am wrong.
This is how l see it: When we are dating, we are westernised. We spend alot time together, kiss, laugh, dance to western songs and just enjoy each other’s company. For some of us we will even hide from our parents or make up stories to spend time with our lover. You look at each other eyes and hold hands and at that point nothing matters . You just want to be with her. So finally you are married to her and you now have a full driving licence to be with her without hiding, no more provisional licence and all of a sudden you cannot stay at home with her anymore, you cannot take her on romantic holidays, you don’t even want to take her to a party because your friends will be in the party with their girlfriends and you will be the odd one out. Something is wrong with that picture. This is a woman you once adored and cherished and now she is all yours and that is when you are out looking for another woman. I know this is common among men but lately, l am hearing of so many Nigeria men sending their wife and children on holiday so they can mess around. What stops you from going with your family on Holiday?
I look forward to spending time on holiday with my family once a year. When you go away with your family on Holiday. It is a beautiful time of bonding together as a family. Your wife is not cooking or cleaning . She is relaxed and the children can sit around you and get to know you more . I do understand men have to work but you still have responsibility to raise your children. This is a fatherless generation and it’s so painful to see many family broken and women are left to mop the mess . What is the point of having so much money when your children are wayward and they don’t even know you. They just love spending your money.
I was in Nigeria the other day and the driver was showing me a building that was once a landmark and because the owner died, the place has now been left to rot all because he did not have time to train his children and spend quality time with them. This is a common problem in Nigeria and it is so sad . When we are raising our children , no matter how busy my husband is. He will always take time out to speak to the children about our business and their vision
You know the one l cannot get over in my head is the fact that you will leave your wife to look after your children while you are sitting on a first class flight with your girlfriend, meanwhile your wife has never experienced flying in first class and that is not the end, you will buy designers for her, but none for the mother of your children.
You once loved her, right? She put on weight while bearing your children and l have seen men with big belly bigger than women these days and yet your wife still loves you. Some men will even buy gifts and flowers for girlfriends half their age on Valentines day and totally ignore the wife . Men are taking advantage of our young girls these days because of the bad economy and you are forgetting things can change anytime and what you are doing to those young one might happen to your daughter too. ( law of karma) what you sow you will reap. Because you are an employer you have to sleep with all your female employees and your wife is home alone starved of sex and affection. You know the saddest thing is that most of these men are born against Christian l will call them. I will not call them born again . You need to repent and ask God to forgive you. In the book of Hebrew 13 vs 4 said ( marriage should be kept pure between Husband and wife. Please l just need to release this from my heart and l am hoping this will help somebody to look back to when you first fell in love.
I need to ask you this question and please be honest to yourself .
Can you let any man treat your daughter the way you treat your wife? Let God search your heart.
There is nothing wrong in taking your wife out on a date. If you have young children, find someone to look after the children for the night and let her have a break. What you did not appreciate will depreciate.
I don’t know if you have ever heard the expression that women never get old. If you leave her and she marries another man she will be a new wife and the beauty will radiate if she is well looked after. What you sow you will reap.
Look after the wife of your youth. I know some women are difficult to love and these days married women too are dating young men just like the husband. Women are starved of sex, love and company so bad that they are forced to stoop so low to have an affair. Two wrongs never make a right. I am not judging you, but seriously ladies how can you justify that to your children when you are caught in action and how do you give account to God. I am always in shock when a man approaches me and I say “I am married” and the next question is ‘are you happily married? ‘ it shows there are many married but not happy women out there and a plethora of men out there who are willing to eploit that. Please let’s go back to our first love.
The question is “what is your definition of love ? Have you ever been in love ? Look her in the eyes. If you have old pictures of two of you, look at them and go down memory lane with her.
Tips for an ideal date with your spouse and travel on a memory lane
Find out your spouse’s love language
What does she really like to do, not what you like to do. Remember this day is for her for a change. She might prefer to have a romantic day at home with you I.e bubble bath , candles , flowers and soft music in the background and home movie and you will have a brand new wife
If you have little children
Arrange for a child minder for the day
Let her have a day off and give her breakfast in bed. If possible arrange a massage for her and a visit to the salon for her hair and nails
Tell her how much you appreciate her
Help her pick the outfit for the day
Take her to her favourite place I .e shopping or sight seeing
Let her be the boss for the day
Listen to her and give her undivided your attention ( switch off your phones) remember good old days.
Find a lovely restaurant and exclusive place and intimate
Take her to the cinemas after dinner
Let her Spirit bless you .
Jesus takes the wheel from here